Carrying a child is one of the scariest things I have ever done. Majority of people that I have talked to since becoming pregnant have told me its the most exciting and beautiful thing in the world. Not so much for me. Its scary, curious, anxious, nerve racking....The unknown has always freaked me out. I come from a family of control freaks. I may not be a crazy fanatic, but I do freak out over not having control!!!!!
I am going into my third trimester....Im 26 weeks and everything has me curious. Im not going crazy, but Im curious. I wonder what every movement, pain, blood pressure reading, ultrasound, and test will say. I worry about labor and delivery, I pray for peace that He will remind me daily that only HE is in control, not me.....
This morning, HE picked a song and played it for me.....I had never really listened to it....Im not a huge fan of Amy Grant....but while this song played, I cried.
How incredible is it that HE has chosen me to carry one of His children. There is a verse in the song that says....
"I am frightened, by the load I bear. Breath of Heaven, hold me together, be forever near me. Pour over me your holiness, for you are holy. Do you wonder, as you watch my face, if a wiser one, should have had my place? But I offer, all I am, for the mercy of your plan. Be with me now. Help me be strong."
The song is about Mary. Who was chosen to carry Jesus. I may not be carrying Jesus, but I am carrying one of His children. And that in itself is an honor that most people take for granted. I cant imagine how scared Mary was. How "out of control" she felt.....but how incredibly humble and peaceful she carried out Gods will and trusted that He was in control. Pregnancy was my choise.....Mary didn't get a choice.....she must have been scared out of her mind. But she did exactly what God asked of her and in the end received one of the biggest and most sacred blessings of all. She is Jesus' mom. Can you imagine? And I will be Ellas mom. And I am Ryans wife. I am Mitch and Shelley's daughter. I am Rebecca and Jenny's sister. I have too, been chosen to be these things. And I must follow God as He takes me thru life. Letting go of control and fears.
Thank you Lord for reminding me that you are Holy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPbV_HTpyx0
Preach it Ella's Mom, good stuff. Yes, Mary and Joseph must have been scared, but God Himself guided them. Oh to be as trusting as those two. Proverbs 3:5-6.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you. When I was pregnant with Ari, i was 36 weeks at Christmas... which made everything about Mary so much more meaningful for me. Seriously, how could she have birthed our Savior? It made me feel so insignificant and small... yet so much closer to Mary.. and therefore, to Jesus.
ReplyDeleteGood thoughts. I wonder if all new mothers have the same feelings but won't admit it. First time has to be somewhat scary...the unknown...but think you got to see a couple precious children born and their mothers made it. God will be holding your hand Raschelle, you will be a wonderful new mom....maybe Ryan will be the one who won't make it without some difficulty.. LOL!
ReplyDeleteRemember, God doesn't give us an attitude of fear or timidity, that's from the other Guy, He's holding you three in his arms daily, and He always will
ReplyDeleteI think many women are scared especially when its their first baby. You aren't the only one who struggles with fear of the unknown. :) It was definitely scary for me too! Don't worry about being the "perfect" mom. Or that you might not do everything right. Just simply be you and love her as you are. Do that and you will be an amazing mom!!
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